You suck if...

As writers we sometimes have trouble detecting when our work sucks. The next couple of entries will be devoted to the clues that indicate that your book/story/novel/encyclopedia/whopper sucks.

Number 1: You suck if you have to write your own fake reviews on Amazon

[quote]
The Times has learnt that the new regulations also will apply to authors who praise their own books under a fake identity on websites such as Amazon[/quote]

This means two things.
a. Your work sucks (because nobody else will review it) and
b. You don't have any friends to do your dirty work for you. The true value of friendship is measured by how many people read your unfinished first drafts. If you can't get anyone to give you a serious review in Amazon, then writing is the least of your problems. Again, if your friends are good people and half as honest as mine, you might get a review in Amazon but it might go something like... "nice setting, didn't get what it was about, and what happened to the Reptilian Humanoids? They were in the draft that I read, and I liked them. How many times do I have to tell you not to kill my favorite characters in the rewrite, you idiot! By the way, party tomorrow, Tom's house. Be there."

This is what in Spanish is called "un amigo de la infancia de los cojones". They know who they are. I love you guys.