viernes, 30 de marzo de 2007

The Daily Cabal

The Daily Cabal has now been running smoothly for five days. We've got good feedback and quite a few subscribers.
Today's story is mine :) Check out "Fairy Western". I can guarantee that at least the premise is original.

jueves, 29 de marzo de 2007


I went to see the 300 on Friday and the reason I haven't posted about it until now is that I couldn't quite find the adequate quirky tone to describe the film.
First, serious stuff. The art is wonderful. It redefines "poster films" the kind of film that looks even better on poster or pic by pic than it is played out in the cinema. Some of the actors did a very good job and the King and the Queen were my favorites. She looks great in those flimsy dress-togas (although I wouldn't be Spanish if I didn't note that the only reason she can wear dresses like that is because she doesn't have bigger breasts). Ok, you can see that I'm slipping into silliness right away... (clears throat) Let's get back on track.
The computer graphics were pretty cool and the whole movie had the same moody, dark feel of the comic. That said, this film can't hold a candle to Sin City, and this is why:

1. Xerxes sucks. Come on, the guy is about two and a half metres tall but doesn't have the body of a tall man. You can tell they "grew" him artificially with a computer. You've seen basketball players, they're not built like ordinary mortals, so why should I believe that Xerxes is not only taller than any human being in History, but defies physiology as well? Not to speak of his voice, which, at least in the dubbed version, belonged to someone with the thoracic capacity of Hulk, being way to low for such a gangly kid.

2. Xerxes' dialogue sucks. When the King tells him that his soldiers only fight because they fear his whip, Xerxes places a tender hand on his shoulder and says: It's not my whip which they fear but my... which was followed by a roar of laughter from the audience so I couldn't hear how the phrase ended. I feel sorry for the actor. I can just imagine his face when he was told he'd have to say that line. Lame doesn't begin to describe it.

Xerxes bleeds... they make a big fuss about his unmaking as a "god", but heck, he's wearing a trillion piercings, are you telling me he hadn't noticed that he could bleed before? How on Earth did he stick fifty needles into his face without bleeding?

The list goes on and on. These are just examples that throw an Ok movie into the dark-side.

However, there are a few reasons why it's not such a bad idea to go see the film. The aesthetics are good and the imagery is interesting enough to carry the movie on its own. The Spartans, with their computer-sculpted abs are a sight to behold. And the Oracle's hair-color matches her nipples. Some crazy geek took the time to fix that with the computer. Go see the movie, if nothing else to make the crazy geeks happy.

lunes, 26 de marzo de 2007

The Daily Cabal

My plan to World Domination is progressing nicely. The Daily Cabal is live. It's nice to see my story up there on the kick-ass website.


Pass the link around and tell me what you think of our stories.

The Daily Cabal posts new, free, very short stories by up-and-coming science fiction and fantasy authors, one every weekday morning, at . The site launches Monday, March 26th, with one story from each of the eight Cabal members: toasters will die, gnomes will be kidnapped, suspicious neighbors will concoct diabolical schemes, men will fly like ducks, air conditioners will make contact with humankind, ancient women will speak, and a commuter will be trapped forever ... and that's just the first day.

Cabal members' short fiction has appeared in Strange Horizons, Realms of Fantasy, Writers of the Future Anthologies, Interzone, Polyphony 4, Asimov's Science Fiction, Jim Baen's Universe, Lady Churchill's Rosebud Wristlet, and many other fine venues. A Cabal member runs the Codex writing group; other members are editors at such well-reputed publications as Dreams and Nightmares and Abyss & Apex.

You're invited to stop by the Cabal, see what strange things are happening today, and weigh in with your own comments. We hope to see you there, and then we hope to completely mess with your mind.

domingo, 18 de marzo de 2007

Reptilian Humanoids-- true stories

Today's true stories are brought to you by the Reptilian Humanoid Conspiracy to Rule the World and Everything.

Once upon a time, there was a cook in a university cafe. Nobody knew he was a Reptilian Humanoid, and he did his best to keep it quiet. His momma had told him when he was a very wriggly young thing NEVER to break cover, but his Momma never counted on her son's very reptilian attitude towards burgers.

This kitchen, as all University kitchens in Spain, is cleaned only when the health inspector threatens to call some-one's Mommy and tell her about the porn stash under the greasy faucet. Hydrogenated cooking oil has some properties that few people (except for McDo employees) know about. If left on the ceiling or floor for a sufficient number of days (3 or 4 thousand), it turns into petrol. Yep, the undiscovered species of mutant bacteria that live in these kinds of kitchen, are capable of transubstantiating ordinary artery clogger into black gold. I know a few cooks who save money on gas that way.

Anyway, our little cook throws burgers at the pan so that his clients can see how cool he is. He misses once in a while, about once per throw, so that the burger ends up slowly sinking in the mire of oil-petrol half-and-half. Being a reptile with no sensibility towards human health, our little beast scoops up the burger and chucks it in the general direction of the pan. The burger misses by a couple of metres and slowly floats back to the floor on the other side of the pan (burgers float in oil and since the kitchen lacks ventilation, you can just assume that almost 75% of the air is actually artery-clogger. Thus the slowly floating motion of the burger). Unfazed by his repeated failure, the reptile scoops up the burger and chucks it at the pan, missing again. And again. And again.

I don't want to do it. I usually don't kill reptiles anywhere near my University bc a significant concentration of dead greens would eventually tip off the other scalies. But when Mr Yuk places my well lathered hamburger in front of me, I take out my katana and add green goo to the bubbling, mutating mess on the floor.

jueves, 15 de marzo de 2007

Once upon a time in Pozuelo

Once upon a time there was Hell. Hell was where bad people went when they died. The stink of bad karma that had first seduced Lucifer soon attracted Greek demagogues, Persian mutilators, Huns and Gomorrhans to live unhappily ever after under the same roof. The Devil ruled them all and It Was Good.
Over time, lawyers and politicians took the place of the demagogues, and plastic surgeons replaced the mutilators. The Devil kept Offender Percentage Stats to keep track of how the Hell changed over time (If you're familiar with statistical analysis you must know that any stats the devil keeps amount to half a chicken. Hell was an awful place, and It Was Good.
Then came the bad drivers and It Was Not So Good anymore. The Devil found it funny the first time he was run over by hit-and-run driver, but after a regimen of three hits per day for a month, he decided the drivers had to go.
That's when the idea of Pozuelo, a suburb of Madrid, popped into his head. For you see, the Devil has always been fond of Gymkhanas but building them in Hell would have been anti-ecological (and everyone knows that even the Devil tries to keep his backyard clean and if doing so implies dumping his waste in a Third World country, so much the better)
So, he build Pozuelo following the architectural aspirations of Nero's Interior Designer and placed that plan over a 13th century reconstruction of Paris. The result was a nice jumble of things. The Devil sat back, sipped his cognac and sucked--ahh-- through his teeth. Pozuelo had that medieval touch that made him so reminisce of the Inquisition while keeping the general wastefulness baroque and Nero-tic. Most streets didn't go anywhere and the roundabouts were impossible to get in and out of.
The Devil pronounced it "Good" (or bad, depending on POV), filled Pozuelo with bad drivers and since it was the Seventh Day and he'd always been a copycat, lay down for a good week's sleep.
When the Devil woke up, he realized he had made a huge mistake.
Pozuelo was even more Hellish than he remembered (but that was Good). No, the problem was that all those bad drivers had created an economic niche for Gas Stations and Hospitals, and Pozuelo was now blooming in a very black gold rush. Still, the Devil would have liked that result if it had stayed at that. The problem was that double, nay triple parked vans blocked every access road to Pozuelo, the main highway was a dead end, and pedestrians jumped out on the road from behind the quintuple parked vehicles. As a result, the Devil couldn't even get to Pozuelo to evaluate the global Evilness of his Deed, and he knew that if he couldn't prove to Saint Peter with number exactly how bad he'd been, he wouldn't get coal from the Three Kings in Christmas.
"Oh well," sighed the Devil. "Maybe it's better this way." The Devil was Big Fat Evil, but he was not stupid, and he didn't relish the idea of going to Pozuelo, even to celebrate a victory.

Note 1: statistics is the science that says that if I ate a whole chicken and you starved, we both ate half a chicken. Obviously, the Devil loves statistics.
Note 2: Spanish kids get gifts from the Three Kings intead of Santa Claus. Due to demony influence, most Spanish brats are now so terribly spoiled that they get gifts from Santa AND the Three Kings, thus making the Spanish Toy Industry as strong as the Spanish shoe Industry. Way back when kids were punished for being bad (not like now), bad kids got coal for Christmas from the Three Kings. A modern subtitute is candy coal, which is what the Devil was aiming for when he created Pozuelo. It's still pretty vile stuff, so don't think it isn't punishment.

miércoles, 14 de marzo de 2007


Shimmer has this great preview of their winter issue up at youtube. Can the music be any more great? Can I be any more jealous of the writer's they publish?
Damn, they're good.

lunes, 5 de marzo de 2007

Giving blood

So, I went to give blood today, and everything was fine. The nurse looked thoughtful for a second when I told her I'd taken a few aspirin two days before, but we went ahead.

Everything was fine until I tried to remove the bandage two hours afterwards and blood started pooling in the bent of my elbow. Being the mega-rambo doctoress that I am, I left-handedly ripped some bandage-sticker-thingy with my teeth (where are all the good nurses when you need 'em?) and applied it to the dripping wound on my right elbow. It's stopped now and it looks like I'll survive.

Ok, this post is not very interesting, not even with all the exaggerations I've dumped on it, but I've been told I need to update frequently. So there, updated.