jueves, 21 de diciembre de 2006

Reptilian Humanoids- A History

People who read about my adrenalin packed encounters with the malevolent and devil-spawned species commonly known as Reptilian Humanoids, have often sent me emails saying thinks like:
"What exactly are these things".
Dear reader: I wish I knew.
You got it right however, when you called them things. These beings are not people so don't ever make the mistake of even thinking of them as people. That only makes you all mushy inside- it sissifies you and by the time you get your survival adrenalin back up, it may very well be too late.
So here are all the expository bits that I didn't manage to fit into my previous posts.
Reptilian Humanoids are the ringleaders of a conspiration to take over the World. They are coming towards our arms to slit the throats of our hubbies and children (or so a French reptile hunter told me). If you're one of those Gore pundits who thinks Humans have screwed up the World bad enough that maybe it's time for some hard Reptile loving, let me tell you that I track all hits on my blog- I know where you live and where you hold all your little traitorous meetings. Maybe you like their shinny scales
and I know that their slinkiness can be attractive. I understand. Sometimes temptation strikes. If you come out now as an RH collaborator and repent I promise I won't hurt you. But if you don't and I find you first...I will have no mercy on RH collaborators.
Ok, back to our business. The State of the World In General is not our fault anyway. It's all the fault of the Reptiles. Climate change? RH gasoline guzzling spaceships taking off and landing on our (ex)green planet. The Middle-East? RH importing guns, and building walls too. Cholera? RH pooping in our drinking water. The War in Irak? Bush thinking that American troops work in the same way as the Richter scale.
RH technology allows them to camouflage as just about any living thing, so every being is suspect. There are a few exceptions. RH rarely camouflage as people with disabilities-why would anyone choose to be blind if they can avoid it? For the same reason most older people should be cleared by the professional Reptile Hunter. Seriously ugly people too-give them a break, they've got enough on their hands already. However, if the suspect is blond and looks fabulous it will almost certainly be a RH. Blond and blue eyed is a dead giveaway, specially if she gives the phi beta fucka handshake. Come on! Don't act so shocked! We all knew all along that frat and sorority people weren't human. I'm only bringing the subject out to be discussed in the open.
A few exceptions on the blond-blue-eyed rule should be made for people living in Norway or Finland. There are no RH in these countries. Something about the climate... Our enemies are cold-blooded sissies.
Anyway: if you identify a RH it is your moral obligation to kill it on sight. Beware of their mouths: their bites aren't poisonous but they have sharp teeth and give all sort of infections. Human bites are bad enough, and you never know where an RH has put its mouth.

Tomorrow: how the Lady of the Cake gave me Sigil and what my persona does when she's off duty.

2 comentarios:

jmbr dijo...

Hi Sara,

Do you know FLURB? In case you don't, I think you'll enjoy it :-)

Artemisin dijo...

They look weird... yum yum