viernes, 5 de enero de 2007


Things every girl over 15 should know.

Reptiles lay eggs. Male reptiles also lay eggs, but only in the privacy of their own homes where they can't be spotted by the determined Reptilian Humanoid zoologist, and they never admit to it in public, not even when threatened with dismemberment.
But they do, oh, how they do.
RH eggs vary in sizes and shapes. Because RH control the Government, the Industry, The World and, well, just about Everything, they can make their eggs look like common everyday objects. The smallest of reptilian eggs usually adheres to the leafs of things-- like lettuce. Don't worry about eating them-- anything that serves to cull the reptiles is a good thing.
The biggest RH eggs have sometimes been described as Minis. Human collaborators usually use them as means of transport, so if you see a Mini, don't hesitate to kill the humans inside. The Mini is a clear example of a vehicle conjured up in the wrong side of the sheets, a Machiavellian invention of ophidious cunning and a perfect incubator in disguise. Just look at the Mini web page. What's the first thing that comes to mind when you see this? Sleek, no? Well, "sleek" is clearly the mark of the reptile. Because it sounds like slick and that sounds like lick, and that sounds like gooey reptile saliva. So there.
Another thing teens should remember, is that RH have been known to hit on Human females. Why they do it, no one knows, but why does a dog lick his ass? (because it can). But remember, no matter how hot a Reptile looks, he only wants you to make eggs, or ride Minis. And you don't want that girl, do you?
So, here is a list of common RH flirts, in case any of you innocent little girls should come across a Reptilian Humanoid in disguise. All of these are 100% true and have happened to me or my Reptile Fighting Friends.
Remember, these are not just random things that came up in a conversation. These pearls were dropped by the frothing mouths of reptiles disguised as male humans who walked up to a girl (sometimes underage) and said this as their first pick-up line.
Next to each one, you will also find the correct response to avoid further trouble.

((Warning: not for fragile stomachs or children))

"Got a man?" Answer: Yes (and proceed to dismember)

"Want a man?" Answer: No (and proceed to dismember)

"How do you feel about oral sex?" Answer: flip the bird. If your religion forbids this, proceed directly to dismemberment.

"I like purple dresses" Answer: OK, this might not be from a RH. It could just be an incredibly stupid guy, but just in case. Dismember. If there's green blood all over the place, it was a Reptile. If not, Darwinism.

BTW: in case you were wondering: ophidious is something perfidious in which ophidians participate

No hay comentarios: